Does my house need to be tidy? And four other things nobody wants to ask
The three worries every first-time mobile client has, none of which are about the massage. What I bring, what you need, where I set up, what to wear, and what happens if the dog won't settle.
The short version
You need enough floor for the massage bed, roughly the footprint of a dining table, a plug socket, and somewhere for me to wash my hands. That's the whole list. I bring the bed, the towels, the couch cover, the oils and the music. You don't need to tidy, move furniture or put out clean towels, and it takes about five minutes to set up and five to pack down.
Everybody who books a mobile treatment for the first time has the same three worries, and I've never once been asked about the massage.
They're: does my house need to be tidy, what am I supposed to wear, and where is this actually going to happen.
So here's the whole thing, in order, including the bits people are too polite to ask.
No, your house doesn't need to be tidy
I've set up in a living room with a Lego city on the floor. I've set up next to a clothes airer with a full load on it. I've moved a scooter, twice, and a scratching post.
There's a specific and slightly sad thing that happens where somebody spends the hour before a relaxation treatment cleaning frantically and is more stressed when I arrive than they were that morning. Please don't do that. Nobody has ever had a worse massage because of a pile of washing.
If you want to hoover, hoover afterwards. The bed leaves a very faint dent in a thick carpet and it goes in about an hour.
What I actually need
Three things. That isn't a marketing simplification, it's the list.
Enough floor for the bed. Roughly the footprint of a dining table, six feet by three, plus room for me to move down one side. A coffee table pushed against a sofa usually does it.
A plug socket. For the heater if you're having stones, and for the little speaker.
Somewhere to wash my hands. A kitchen sink is fine.
That's everything. I bring the bed, the couch cover, the towels, the blanket, the head cradle cover, the oils and the music. All the fabric is washed between clients.
I message when I'm on my way
This gets mentioned in my reviews more than anything else, which tells you something about the state of the industry.
She was flexible around my crazy hours, arrived promptly and kept in touch about arriving.
Marisa Katherine, on Facebook
You get a message when I set off. If traffic on the A217 is doing what traffic on the A217 does, you get another one.
Setting up takes five minutes
The bed goes up, the cover goes on, the towels come out, and the room stops looking like your living room. I'll ask you where you want it and whether you would rather the curtains were open or closed. Some people want the lamp on and the big light off. Some people want it bright. There's no correct answer.
Then I ask about you. What's aching, what you're hoping for, anything I should avoid. If you've a skin condition, take any medication, have had surgery, or are pregnant, this is the moment to say it. It genuinely changes what I use and how I work, and nothing you say is going to be the strangest thing I've heard.
What to wear, since you were wondering
For a massage: undress to whatever you're comfortable with. Most people keep their underwear on. I leave the room while you get onto the bed and under the towel, and I knock before I come back in.
Once you're under there, only the part I'm working on is ever uncovered. If I am doing your left leg, your left leg is out and the rest of you isn't. This is standard and it isn't negotiable, and it's the thing that makes people relax about ten minutes faster than they expect to.
For a facial: you stay dressed from the waist down, top layer comes off or gets tucked, and I give you a headband.
Nobody has ever got this wrong. There's no version of it you can get wrong.
What about the dog
The dog is fine. The dog will usually settle underneath the bed within about five minutes and stay there for the whole hour, which is objectively the best seat in the house.
Cats are a different proposition and I've made peace with it.
The part people underestimate
Everything packs down in about five minutes. Then I leave.
And you're already home.
No car park. No standing at a reception desk hunting for your card while your shoulders climb back up. No twenty-five minute drive during which the whole thing quietly wears off.
You can go and lie down. You can put the kettle on. You can go straight to bed at four in the afternoon and nobody is going to stop you. The hour keeps working for the rest of the evening, and that's genuinely why people move to a mobile therapist and don't go back.
It's so nice to be able to fully relax after your massage instead of having to get in a car and drive home.
Lyn French, on Facebook
What it costs
Massage starts at £45 for half an hour and £75 for the hour. Facials are £65 to £115. I travel out to fit your schedule, wherever you're in the area I cover. What I quote you is what you pay.
The full list is on the treatments page, and if you aren't sure which one you want, the treatment finder there will point you at something in about thirty seconds.
Or just message me and tell me what hurts.
Questions I get asked
- How much space do you need for the massage bed?
- About six feet by three, with enough room for me to walk down one side. A living room with a coffee table pushed back is the usual answer. A spare bedroom works. One client has me set up in the conservatory in summer and the kitchen in winter.
- Do I need to provide towels?
- No. I bring towels, a couch cover, a blanket and a head cradle cover, all washed between clients. If you want your own towel because you like it better, that's completely fine, just say.
- What do I wear for a massage?
- Undress to whatever you're comfortable with. Most people keep their underwear on. I step out of the room while you get under the towel, and I only ever uncover the part of you I'm working on. For a facial you stay dressed and I give you a headband.
- What if my house is a mess or the kids are around?
- Neither is a problem. I've worked around toddlers, builders, two cats who insisted on supervising and one very determined labrador. If it's genuinely chaotic that day, message me and we'll move it. That's the whole point of a mobile therapist.
- How do I pay?
- Bank transfer or cash at the end, whichever suits. I'll send you the details when we book so there's nothing awkward at the door.
I'm a beauty therapist of over ten years and a certified Dermalogica Skin Specialist, and I work as a mobile therapist across Sutton. Client stories here are shared with permission and identifying details are changed. More about me.